How do I get to the Altar?
A good friend sent this to me:
The next most important choice we will make in life after our salvation; is choosing our life partner. The process requires wisdom, counsel & God's guidance. In choosing a partner and making the crucial decision to get married several factors are immaterial and are not incentive(s) to marry:
Firstly, 'peer pressure' which basically means getting married because everyone else is. As people enter these relationships, that's exactly how they exit. When you aim to satisfy short-term desires, you jeopardise your long-term potential/forecast.
Secondly, there is no rule that says you must marry at a certain age. Neither is it written in the bible or any relationship book i have read. God's time is the best time! Your attitude should be positive and positive that you are a good thing and don't deserve anything less than the best for yourself.
Thirdly, there is nothing wrong with being single. The truth of the matter is that there is joy in single-hood which you must ultimately enjoy. The bible says 1 + 1 = 1, not a quarter, half, three quarters, or so on.
It all boils down to having a healthy sense of self & self-confidence. You must be content with being 'YOU'! Knowing that any man that has found you is blessed and you have chosen the best partner that will be your best friend, companion and take you to even greater glory as 2 are always better than one. Moreover, under no circumstance should a relationship ever be managed. A relationship that is managed from the start will only get worse as technically a man is at his best at the genesis of a relationship. To be hopeful for a change later is folly!
After reading that I smiled, I’m sure you did too. What I want you all to remember this month is as follows:
1. There is someone out there for you, a man that deserves you, a man that will complement you and not complicate you. If you are with a man that has got a degree in hurting you or one that has made you put a “its complicated” status up on Facebook, you need to ask yourself if you relationship is one that is managed. Its better to be single than to be with the wrong person.
2. Embrace being single and use this time to work on you as a woman. There is something I have realised about so many women, so many of us want to get married but we are not ready to be a wife. God’s GRACE is for free but for everything else there is always a price to pay. To be a qualified wife you have to go through the training, just the same way a doctor has to go to 5 years of medical school before becoming qualified. Use this time to work on yourself. When the Queen is ready the king shall appear.
3. Don’t let anyone put you on a timer. Just because your girl got married last year doesn’t mean you must get married next year. One question for you, if your girl had 6 month left to live would you be desperate to die the year after? I’m sure your answer is NO. When next you feel like you have been left behind, remember this example.
4. Always remember you are not the only over 24 year old that is not married yet and you will never be the last. There is nothing wrong with you.
5. Those of you in a relationship are well aware that finding a man is one thing but keeping one is a whole new ball game. Ladies, its important you don’t act WIFE to a man that has not married you. There will be no incentive for him to marry you. All you need to do is make him aware you are capable of being that Queen that every man wants but at a price. Don’t ever sell yourself short.
6. Men want a friend that will become their life partner not another MOTHER. Most of us suffocate the men in our lives and force them to leave the relationship the same way they moved away from home to get away from mummy. Evaluate your attitude and control how you speak or shall speak to potential life partners. You decide if they head to the altar with you or they head towards the door without you.
7. Saying NO from the very beginning. Now most of us are guilty of this. We meet a guy that is famously known as a life bachelor then 3 months into it we then say we would like to get married one day. No offense but you knew he was no hubby material before you got into it, why wait till after 3 months. Men call women who do this CRAZY. Picture this, you meet a guy and you are kicking it, then 3 months on he says he wants you to stop wearing knee length skirts and start wearing miniskirts. What would you say to him? Ok, maybe what I would say. “Dude you saw the length of my skirt before you got with me so if you think I am going to tart myself up for you then boy you are CRAZY”. Let’s say NO on day one and not wait for day ninety. This could reduce the waiting time to the altar because the less time you spend with MR ALTER the quicker you get to the MR ALTAR.
8. The new guy is not the old guy. Clean slate. You were told to learn from your mistakes NOT carry them around in your Luis Vuitton suitcase. That suitcase is going to slow your steps and that means the altar will be so close but yet so far.
9. Share your feeling with good friends like the one that sent me the above text. People that understand that your situation is just a season that will come and go, you do not need people that will make you feel like your situation is an illness. If you get friends who do the latter you will be pressed to jump at the next Hitler that comes your way. We don’t want that now do we?
10. We teach people how to treat us. If you come across as a woman that men can just kick about with then that is how you will be treated. If you portray yourself as the Queen that you are then you will be treated like one. Its human nature to test boundaries but it up to you to draw the line.
The thing is ladies, seasons come and go and I know that your King is out there looking for you, maybe he is getting his heart broken right now, only God knows. He could also already be by your side, you never know. If you are single, you should wait patiently while actively seeking that special one God has ordained for you. If you are in a relationship make sure he deserves you and don’t settle for ‘let’s see how it goes’. If a man is not ready to commit to you he isn’t for you.
Ladies I hope you have enjoyed this month’s message from Abi’s school of thought, till next time and remember to never settle.
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